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Blue Tater/Transcript
Green's House, front yard (Episode title appears on a manhole cover; Cricket and Tilly stand on the sidewalk with various chickens, Cricket holding one in one arm.) Cricket: Okayokayokay, wait. One more time. All or nuthin'. Tilly: If you say so, but my lucky coin always comes up heads. (She flips a penny in the air.) Cricket: Tails, tails, tails, tails, tails, tails! (It lands heads up.) Cricket: Heads again!?! Tilly: It's just not your day, brother. Cricket: (hands the chicken to her) Yeah, well, a bet's a bet. (The chicken pokes his eye; a truck reading "Cuatro Leaf Clover" pulls up.) Leprechaun Owner: Taco the mornin' to ya! Cricket: (as the chickens run away) Wazza wazza whozat? Leprechaun Owner: (throwing a pile of flyers) Come check out me lucky corn beef burritos, at today's Food Truck Round-Up! (The truck drives away.) Cricket: What the...? (a flyer lands in his face) Oof! (reads it) What kind of ice cream truck was that? (Close-up on the flyer which reads: :Big City Food Truck Round-Up! :This is how we do food now!) Tilly (OS): Cricket, that was a food truck. Cricket: Food...truck? Ya mean... Tilly: It's exactly what you think it is. Cricket: (eyes dilate, smiling) Oh. My. Gravy! Kitchen window Bill: (hums, washes dishes) Cricket: (pops in through the window) DadIhaveanidea! Bill: (shrieks and drops a dish; reads flyer) Food trucks? Cricket, you just ate. Cricket: Nooo! C'mere. (holds him by the shoulder) Think about it: (points to the garden) We got a garden full of plants, that's basically food. (points to the Kludge) And we got our truck, that's basically a truck! We should start a food truck! Bill: I can't believe I'm sayin' this, but that's a great idea, son! Potatoes are in season. I could make french fries! Cricket: (jumps off) I'm on it! Bill: Heh heh heh... (hits his head on the window) Oof! Heeheehee! Backyard Cricket: Time for a good old fashioned... (pulls up some potatoes on their stalks) TATER TUG! C'mon! (Tilly and Gramma arrive to help. Tilly reels in a fishing pole which fishes up some potatoes. Gramma punches into the ground.) Gramma: Wah! (pulls out some potatoes) Ha! (Cricket puts a shovel in the ground next to a stalk; Tilly pushes it down, slinging the stalk in the air, it drops the potatoes into a bucket Gramma is holding. She gives a thumbs-up; Cricket pulls up one particular stalk with an unusually blue-colored potato attached to it; we hear a record scratch.) Cricket: Gotcha! What the...? (close-up of the potato.) Hmm... (calling out) Hey, look at this stupid blue potato! (Gramma turns around and drops her potatoes in shock with a gasp.) Gramma: Cricket, DON'T TOUCH IT!! Cricket: Aaaaaaand... boop! (touches it) Gramma: (running over) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! (swats the potato away; grabs him) What's the matter with ya, boy!!?? Cricket: Da -- I don't know, lotsa stuff, I guess! Gramma: Ain't ya ever heard the curse OF THE BLUE TATER!!??!!??!! Cricket: Wha? Gramma: The curse of the blue tater has haunted country folk for years! (Flashback: a male farmer holds the blue tater and is hit by a horse.) Gramma (VO): Whoever posesses a blue tater is cursed! Cursed! (A woman holds the blue tater; lightning strikes the barn in the background, and it catches fire. The horse runs over her.) Gramma (VO): With bad luck! Endless fortune! (The horse sniffs the blue tater; a herd of horses come by and run it over.) Gramma (VO): It's done terrible, terrible deeds to everyone who crosses its path. (Flashback ends.) Gramma: That's about as bad news, Cricket! You've brought cravenous fortune to us all! Cricket: Ah, don't be ridiculous, Gramma. It's just a potato. But if it makes you feel better... (throws the blue tater over his shoulder) There. Gone forever. (The blue tater bounces off an umbrella at Big Coffee.) Man in window: What a nice day. (the blue tater bounces off of him) Oof! (It bounces off a pigeon, knocking it out of the sky.) Cricket: And that is the end of the -- (the blue tater hits his head) Oof! (it lands before him) AAHHHH!! BLUE TATER! Oh no, it came back! The curse is real?!? Gramma: Of course it's real, ya dingbat! Cricket: (nervously sidles up to Gramma) What do you do? How do ya break the curse? Gramma: We need to prepare a special ritual. I need snake venom, dirt from my fresh grave, and sour cream. I have the first two in my purse, but your sister keeps eating all my sour cream, which I need for my taquitos!!! Tilly: What's that, now? Cricket: Uh, can't we just destroy it? Gramma: Nooo!!! If you destroy it, the curse is permanent! You'll have bad luck for the rest of your life! Hey, where'd it go? (The blue tater has disappeared.) Cricket: (gasps) It's gone! Front yard Bill: (whistles) (The blue tater is in the bucket Bill is carrying; he puts it in the trunk of the Kludge with the rest.) Bill: All righty then. Cricket: Dad, Dad, DadDad!! B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-blue tater!!! Bill: Oh, yeah! (chuckles; picks it up) Looks pretty stupid, huh? Cricket: Don't touch it, it's cursed!! It'll melt your skin off, and then your eyeballs will fall out, and then your blood will curdle into cheese! Bill: Aww, Gramma's been filling your head with nonsense again. There's no such thing as bad luck. (pokes him) Besides, I need every potato available to make fries. (kisses it) Cricket: Ugh...don't kiss it!!!! Bill: (closing the trunk) Anyway, quit your worrying, and check out the new and improved Green Family food truck! (Shows the Kludge has a french fryer and fridge in the trunk for making the fries. On board is an outlet with cords plugged up for them to work.) Bill: It was easy. Just put a bunch of my kitchen appliances in my truck. I even thought of the perfect name for it: "It's French Fries". (closes the door) See? (On the door there is a sticker reading "It's French Fries"). Bill: Aww, ain't she pretty? Cricket: Yeah, she's pretty -- pretty dangerous! This whole thing is a death trap! (points to the fridge) This could fall on someone! (points to the fryer) This could burn someone's face off! (picks up a salt shaker) And this could...um... (shakes it) Get in your eyes and sting 'em!! (It does just that; they turn red and tear up.) Cricket: AHHHHHH!!! THE CURSE IS REAL!!! Bill: Oh, for Pete's sake, knock it off. I need everyone's help today, I don't wanna hear one more word about this curse business. Cricket: But Dad -- Bill: Not. One. (calling out) Ma! Tilly! Time to go! It's french fry time! (As Cricket whimpers in fright, Bill gets into the truck while Tilly comes over.) Cricket: Tilly, wait! (Gets out) Tilly, you're my favorite sibling. I can't let you go to the food trucks. Tilly: But I wanted to eat tacos and smell the diesel. Cricket: Oh, sweet sister, (grabs her cheeks) it's too perilous! Tilly: Hmm...I'll use my lucky coin to guide me. If it's heads, I go. Tails, I'll stay. (She flips it; it lands on heads.) Tilly: Guess I'm goin'! Thank you for decidin' my fate, lucky coin. Cricket: (whimpers) Gramma: (comes over) All right, boy, listen up! I got a plan. Once we're at the Food Truck Round-Up, I can get some sour cream to complete the ritual. Cricket: But until then, what do we do about the curse? (A horse whinny is heard.) Gramma: Boy, it's up to you now to protect this family, now chop-chop! (gets in the truck) Bill: Everybody in! Cricket: (nervously forcing a smile) Alright, everybody ready for a safe and uneventful ride? Bill: Uh...sure, I guess. Food Truck Round-Up, here we come! Cricket: Okay, just wait one second!! Are you buckled in? Is this... (pulls Gramma's seatbelt) tight enough?! Bill: Cricket, would you sit down, please?! (accidentally reverses) Whoa!! (The Kludge crashes into the porch.) Bill: Oh, must've put it in reverse. Weird, I've never done that before. (sighs) I can fix that later. Not gonna let this get us down! Cricket: (to himself, contemptuously) The curse... (moans worryingly) (The Kludge drives onto the street and away.) Street Cricket: Gotta keep my eyes peeled for any danger. (Ahead of the truck is a pothole in the middle of the road.) Cricket: Oh no, a pothole! (takes the wheel) LOOK OUT! Bill: What are you -- ? (The truck swerves back and fourth as the family screams; it crashes into a lamppost and steams.) Bill: Cricket, we've been through this a hundred times when I'm driving, you (slams on the horn) DON'T GRAB! THE WHEEL! (He pops the hood.) Bill: All right...not too bad...we can still make it to the round-up... (a knife is flung into the engine) Ack! Ugh, what now? Category:Episode Transcript Category:Season 1 Transcripts Category:B Category:A-Z